Tonight we were childless, they were spending the night at their grandad’s, so we decided to do something we very rarely get to do…..we went out for the night.
Jo came out with the usual “surprise me” cop-out of thinking of anything so I suggested the cinema, quick trawl of the listings to find that there’s only 2 adult films playing ( and by that I mean as in not a cartoon type thing ) Predators…..lots of guns explosions and aliens, and Inception….I knew nothing about this film, so it had to be that one. Booked the tickets online, thought what the hell, we don’t go to the cinema often I’ll splash out on the VIP seats. £17.50 it cost me for 2 tickets to see a film.
The journey to meadowhall was uneventful, mainly because the traffic was moving too slow for anything to actually happen, but we arrived in plenty of time and made our way to the food court to fill our rumbling bellies. On the journey down Jo had been on the internet and found the menu for the Gourmet Burger Co. and we’d already decided what we were going to be eating on arrival….so we were a little surprised to find that it’s actually a Handmade Burger Co. in Meadowhall not a Gourmet one….bugger. As luck would have it though, the menu was virtually identical, and after a few short minutes perusing we had decided to share a Caribean burger with mango and stuff, and a milano burger with mozarella and pesto. Both were ordered medium-rare, a side order of chips, one of onion rings and a couple of milkshakes.
The milkshakes arrived a fraction of a milisecond before the food….so obvioulsy they had to milk the cows especialy…how else could you justify such a wait for flavoured milk. Then the food arrived, the burgers looked delicious, the chips looked nice and chunky and the onion rings…..looked like they’d come from Iceland (the freezer shop not the bankrupt ash spewing country). We cut our burgers in half and swapped so we could enjoy both delights, and I picked up my Milano burger and was just about to take a big bite when something caught my eye…..well, failed to catch my eye. It was the colour pink. In every conceivable way the colour pink did not factor in my burger. There was not a hint of pink in the bread, this is good. The pesto was not pink, this is good for this pesto should have been green. The mozzarella was not pink, which I should be thankful for as one can only assume the chef may have lost a finger if it was. Alas, the burger too was devoid of the pale red hue. What greeted me was a nice uniform greyish brown of a well done burger, don’t get me wrong, it was a tasty, juicy burger…but well done. Ah well, I took a bite anyway, my teeth slid through the bread like tooth enamel through slightly stale bread (I’m getting better at these similies), my bottom dentures met with the hot juicy meet of the (well done) burger, and my top set of pearlers met with what can only be described as the closest thing to absolute zero you will find in a cheese (that’s 0 degrees Kelvin or -273 degrees celsius…pretty damn cold), I apologise, that may be a slight exaggeration, but it was bloody cold. The mozzarella had come straight out of an industrial fridge, been sliced and then dumped onto a hot burger, it was not a good combination. But the pesto was nice.
The Caribbean burger was, like it’s counterpart, well done, and topped with a slice of tomato almost as thick as the burger itself (I believe it may have shared fridge space with the mozzarella) and some strange concoction of sweetly sour mango flavoured goo. It wasn’t bad actually.
The chips were nice to start with, but had the odd texture of being very dry and floury and sucking all available moisture from their surrounding environment….including my mouth, the presence of strange gnarly blackened husks of manky potatoes did not enliven the dish. And the onion rings, I shall not dwell on the onion rings, the burgers may have been hand made, the chips may have been freshly cut, the only thing the onion rings can claim is that they were indeed ring-shaped. I chipped a tooth some point during the meal, I’m blaming one of them buggers.
After a swift perusal of a few shops, we proceeded to the cinema, the tickets were already collected, we just needed to purchase one of those strange but delightful frozen but fizzy drinks you can only find in cinemas. No, darn it, it’s a long film, we’d get one each!, except for one little thing. It’s friday night, possibly one of the busiest nights of the week for the cinema, and you can pretty much guarantee that the frozen fizzy foodstuff will be popular……if they’d bothered to freeze it on time. Yes we couldn’t have one as none of the machines were frozen, they were all churning round chilled sludgy syrup rather than slush, I was not impressed.
Ah well we set off for the screen, clutching the tickets and looking forward to sampling the delights of the Leather Reclining VIP seats with extra legroom. They were Leather, they did recline and they were seats. They may have had extra leg room, and you’re average gnat may well have been able to stretch out in comfort. The may also be in pairs and have just one little arm rest so you can snuggle with your loved one…..but they don’t give you that option when you book. So I we ended up about 2 foot apart. The seats themselves were comfy, ill give them that, not once did my bum fall asleep during the epic film, and that’s saying a lot.
The film, was long, this is true, it was very long, at one point I almost forgot how it started. I believe the length of it was simply to justify fitting in all the wonderful graphics sequences around the convoluted story. It was interesting, and kept me watching to the end, and the fight sequence in the corridor was an odd one, plus there were a couple of one liners that raised a giggle, but it could have done with being just half an hour shorter. I will not be rushing to buy it on DVD when it comes out, but I shall console myself with the knowledge that I could have been sat 2 foot away from Jo drinking something other than frozen fizzyness watching either a cartoon, or 2 hours of nonstop gunfire and blood.
So al in all a good evening, relaxing now with a coffee and Ameretto and looking forward to a nice lie in.