Monthly Archives: March 2010

Woohoo

wow, 101 hits over 4 days, I’m impressed, and also motivated to continue my inane driveling πŸ˜‰

Cheers people πŸ˜‰

A bear of little brains!

Not me I hasten to add, and not Bear either. I am referring to someone I work with, you may recall him from yesterdays post, I believe I mentioned him twice.

He had me, and the people I work with, laughing today, not with him, but at him.

Picture the scene, a retirement party in the office, the tables are spread with picky food, there’s the odd bottle of wine around the place, and a convivial atmosphere fills the room. Around this scene sit people from all levels of management, not just our boss, but her boss, and her boss etc. right up to someone who we don’t usually see, the Big Boss Lady, who is not known for her patience with fools, or her kind tongue.

So lunchtime rolls around and we mere mortals of the working sect are permitted to join the revelry, and so we partake of food, and if the mood takes us a little wine as we enjoy the company and the frivolity, then we return to work, with full bellies.

The we in question above however, does not include the bear of the title. This hairy bulk of a dolt seems not to notice the looks of his superiors as he grabs handfuls of food from round the table, nor the querying glances of people so powerful they could make him disappear as he downs his first, then second…and third glass of wine. The more aware among the table are shaking their heads at this foolish act from someone who professes such intelligence, fair enough, it’s a celebration, partake a little and be merry, but downing half a bottle of wine and eating like a pig? it’s not going to go un-noticed.

You may think that was where my chuckles would end, but no. The bear had another nail to hammer into his coffin of idiocy. Standing at the end of his troffing, he staggers a little, steadies himself and professes to the gathered audience of his (by this time) vastly superiors “ooo I think I’ve had a bit too much wine” as he staggers back to work.

Once the jaws were cleared from the carpet where they had dropped and normal service was resumed in the form of twittering and bitching, only to be disturbed one final time by a bear with a sore head. In an effort to make the shelves stop moving, the alphabet to stay in the right order and possibly to deter the disgusted looks from any unsuspecting member of the public that may have been accidentally breathed, or worse pawed by this bumbling oaf, he has the brainstorm to make himself a coffee. Good idea, you may be thinking, and if he were to quietly sit out-of-the-way and nurse his mug of revitalising nectar then it may well have been. But pacing up and down in front of the gathered crowd of upper echelons, professing his overindulgence in wine and having to steady himself from time to time……kind of dashes any hope of salvaging a modicum of reputation for this poor specimen.

It is a miracle that no one from the public has complained (yet), and the events that have passed shall no doubt be forgotten amongst they joys of the day. But for those of us who witnessed the sheer imbecility of today, there is a gent who will always be refered to, by those in the know, as the Bear of Little Brains.

Random Happy Things

A few of the things that have made me smile today:

Waking up to snuggles in bed from Jo

The boys playing quietly and being polite when they ask for a cereal bar

Having a packed lunch ready and waiting for me to take

The view of the sun shining on the mist as I drive to work

Finding a parking spot right near the exit of the car park

Catching up on weekend events with the decent people at work

Finding out my manager is off until after easter (that was a mixed blessing)

Scrabble at lunchtime with an old work colleague

Having my Ma confirm she is coming up to visit in April

Coming home to a hug from Jo and the boys

Coming home to a wonderful cooked meal

Sitting with the demons doing sums

Reading Cars to the boys before bedtime

The boys refusing to go to bed until i give them a hug and a kiss

More snuggles from Jo

Having a really good game on Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

Sitting quietly with a nice cup of tea listening to the rain.

Thinking today has been a good day.

Thinking this month has been a good month

Thinking this last year has been a very good year.

Thinking, I am happy.

Random Annoying Things

A few of the things that have annoyed me today:

Realising the only clock in the house not changed over the weekend is the one that turns the coffee machine on so i have fresh coffee waiting for me when I’m getting ready for work

Realising I didn’t plug my Mac in to charge overnight so I only have half an hour of charge on it

Getting stuck behind a complete fecking loon conscientious driver on the way to the motorway who insisted on doing 25 in the 50mph area.

Having the stupid useless knobend distracted driver of a black Golf almost run into the back of me on the M1 as all the other cars had decided to stop whilst he played with his stereo.

Having a sniveling cretin someone come up to me at work and whinge and whine that they were supposed to be going somewhere that afternoon but it wasn’t on the timetable……the reason being….they hadn’t told anyone.

Finding out the manager has decided to book from now until after Easter off work….right as we have to send everything off for the end of year figures

Having other managers pester me for spare staff, and then whinging when i say no as it would leave us short

Having to work with a complete and utter feckless layabout of a moron

Having someone who is paid Β£7000 more than me as me for help when they are teaching someone how to use the internet, only to point out that they have entered their password wrong (as shown by the big red message saying incorrect password entered)

Having the same overpaid numpty question me about the stock and how it’s being processed when they haven’t even touched it for the last three or four years

Having the “IT tech” turn up

Trying to work and knowing that there is someone sat right behind me looking over my shoulder at everything i do (literally) (see the point above)

Having someone slag off the Librarians for not doing any work….after the same person has been sat for an hour on WoW forums.

Having to work with a complete and utter feckless layabout of a moron. Ok it’s the same one as before but he really annoys me.

Dealing with nutters, particularly GINGER haired old ladies who can’t complete their prize winning crosswords and need answers, but take umbrage at you pointing out that the answers already entered are not only wrong, but don’t actually exist in any language known to man.

Having to deal with morons (okay I’m referring to one particular moron but I’m trying not to be too specific) that in the space of 5 minutes goes from slagging of the new machines we have installed and how they are useless to saying she will never trust any member of staff again and will only ever use the machines. To clarify, she got fines on a book that she put in the machine even though it told her to take it to the desk, and that’s our fault.

Having to dodge wittering buffoons who are convinced they are writing a book on what appears to be one of the dullest subjects ever, and as i work in a library i must know the entire publishing process.

Being cut up on the motorway on the way home by twonks who have no concept of “stopping distance”

Having to drive through rain so heavy that it was better to leave the windscreen wipers off.

Contending with the cerebraly deficient wazzocks who think it’s still perfectly safe to try to do 90mph in the above.

Arriving home to find the street appears to have been taken over by NCP car parks and the only place to park is to block the driveway.

Having a small child shaped demon run up to me, smile and innocently sing “kick” as his foot connects with my shin

Picking up a custard cream only to find it has gone soft

These are a few of the tribulations I have encountered today, they may explain the tired look to my face, and the aching shoulders.


Lazy days…..

Today has been a lazy day. It’s my day off work, the larger of the child shaped demons was at school, and the smaller of the two has a full day at nursery, so it’s one of those rare occasions where myself and Jo get some time to ourselves.

Ahhhh a day with no children, the house to ourselves, no disruptions, no distractions πŸ˜‰

Sooooooo, spend the morning round Asda, lunchtime sorting out the freezer, the afternoon dozing and playing the PS3 and now sat watching Up with the larger of the demons.

So much for intimate alone time πŸ˜›

But has been a good day, chilled out, fun and no stress at all, I like days like today.

Rocky Horrified

Allegedly, according to somewhere on the internet (so it must be true) yesterday was international wear a corset day.

With the usual gusto of any excuse to get dressed up, it was decided that we should go out somewhere to celebrate the fact, and that I should surprise Jo. I tried, I really did, but finding somewhere suitable to go out in a corset is a tricky thing.

I thought I had hit a jackpot when I discovered that the latest tour of the Rocky Horror Picture Show was playing at Sheffield, “woohoo” I thought, what an amazing stroke of luck. Alas that’s as far as my luck went. I could have got tickets for last night, well, afternoon as they only had tickets for the matinΓ©e. But they would have been the highest and furthest from the stage. We decided not to bother.

But wait, I have the Rocky Horror Picture Show on DVD, and there’s nothing in the rules that say you have to go out in a corset. So it is agreed, night in, lots of alcohol, los of fun, the ladies getting dressed up in their corsets, and Rocky on the DVD.

Of course it was inevitable that myself and Bear would end up dressing up too.

Now I’ve never worn a corset before……or stockings…….or ladies underwear……or high heels for that matter, but if Tim Curry can do it, so can I.

I will be the first to admit, he does pull it off better than me, and I can only assume he had a lot more practice walking in heels. That however is irrelevant, you can see from the pictures what I looked like, and you can also see the big smiles on all our faces. We had an excellent time, lots of laughs, lots of drinks, lots of scaring pizza delivery boys.

We are now keeping an eye out for other International days…..any excuse for a bit of fun πŸ˜‰

Dinner De Cons

Friday night and myself and Jo (other half/girlfriend/significant other/squeeze etc) decided to go out. I booked us a table at a restaurant that had got excellent reviews on the internet (The cheese cake was to die for apparently).

We arrive on time for our meal at Latinos (a Mediterranean restaurant – remember that Mediterranean, as in from around the Med), and I am slightly worried that, other than a woman sat on her own, we are the only people in there….does everyone else know something we don’t?

The waiter was a wonderful and friendly fellow (with excellent teeth apparently, but i didn’t notice) and we had swiftly ordered a bottle of White Zinf to go with the meal, which was presented to us in the usual ice bucket style. Maybe Jo pointing out that she’d tried the wine previously as it had been on offer at Asda for 3 bottle for Β£10 should have made me wary, but I was confident of quality, silently repeating my mantra of the evening “The cheesecake is to die for”.

Now bot Jo and myself like our food, and I don’t just mean we are partial to a bit of sustenance, we enjoy proper well coooked food, quality rather than quantity, and we both find it hard to decide what to eat, so we opted for the starter for 2, a selection of Terriaki chicken and beef skewers, Thai chicken drumsticks, spring rolls and jumbo prawns. Obviously the Chefs geographical knowledge of the Mediterranean differs slightly from my own. the food was nice, salty but edible. I tried to convince myself that it was the nature of the sauces, but i don’t think we’ve ever drunk wine as quickly as that before, at one point the finger dipping bowl did look tempting.

“The cheesecake is to die for”

For main we had opted for what appeared to be the specialty of the house, a shellfish broth served with aioli (garlic mayo for the uninitiated) and toast. There was definitely shellfish, there was a broth, and the mayonnaise was garlicky. “The cheesecake is to die for”. The toast was raw. “The cheesecake is to die for”. The shellfish appeared to have been replaced with rubber. “The cheesecake is to die for”. The broth was watery and vaguely tomato flavoured “The Cheesecake is to die for” and all attempts to attract the wine waiters attention to try and get some wine to make things a little easier to palette failed “The cheesecake is to die for”……

We didn’t eat all the main course, and sitting in the pub afterwards we ruminated on how we had spent so little but were both full. Yes the starter was saltier than a sailor, and the disapointments of the main course were subdued as we didn’t pay for it, and as for the cheesecake…..to be honest given the misrepresentation of the food so far, I wasn’t willing to risk something that people already linked to a horrible demise. “The cheesecake can get stuffed, i’m off to the pub!”